i(dont) know whats missin now

i sit here with a new view on life i take that back i have the same redefined view with minor readjustments for an example since i had the pleasure of tasting the bittersweet poison called alcohol i would like more of it especially with the feeling of being high when im the this drunk/high(on) state i feel bliss even tho hear something say this is very self destructive to u i dc actually in all realities i want it to destroy me for one ill die happy 2 in this state death doesn't scare me (i mean it doesn't normally but in this state the lack of fear is actually amplified to a another state where i welcome death ) n this feels what i been missing in life an escape from this dry reality this sick twisted normality kills me slowly then the poisons i chose to enter my body i haven't thought about suicide until i got back in philly maybe i should live in Delaware and move to nj when im 21 why nj its a new place no one knows me so ill have a reason to ignored then there i would work on my art n escape my mind by doing mind altering drugs then some hard stuff coke crack n etc y because my self destruction brings me pleasure which means one thing everything i just stated is a pacifier in the sense where it doesn't solve or even nullify  the problem  i have just put them in the back burner n outta my mind for a time period fuck  im sick i need some body (a girl) to take care of me i wonder if i use love as a pacifier ???

becoming H.I.M (Happy In my Madness)
self DestructiOn Under Construction (DO U.C )


oh iand by the way if u like these post follow me on bloger if im not mistaken u just need a google account because soon i will block my page untill i feel like opening it back up  so follow or you wont see these ne more

why my love is unattainable

not to everyone else but mainly myself but before i can say that i have to say this. I don't love myself but i love seeking out love to share the love that stays in my heart (maybe because of a surplus of some sort) and when i find someone to love i over love give too much love too fast then when the feeling is not matching  either sabotage or test out their love. When the person either falls my traps of sabotage or no longer wish to be tested,i would wish they didn't leave because i actually love love. Its hard to understand but its a cycle that holds me because i feel like i don't deserve happiness but i am suppose to make everyone happy.(up to this point no more punctuation marks) so if being with me makes you happy ill take it as something anything else besides love because i don't think you should because its not a good choice........ now why don't i love myself i've been bullied like a lot of people in the world but i took everything that was said to be true and convinced myself that i should be ashamed of these certain things sooner then later it was just ashamed to be alive which in turned brought in my suicidal tendencies this along with the fact i was hurting people that said they cared for me and that i cared for it makes the hatred i have for myself multiply and it might sound a lil like im victimizing myself but i really not the mind is one of the easiest things that can be broke so when mines broke i have nothing to do but to go along with it which only decreased the duration of time between the snap so now with a mind that under construction i'm fucking it up more because my heart gets hurt and the mind have to tend to the heart all because i wasn't at 100 % when i loved who ever i cherish every single relationship i had rather it was partner to a lover i cherish it all it seems melancholy well i'm sorry

                               Peace
self DestructiOn  Under Construction (DOUC)

its Christmas?

So I'm typing this on my new tablet I didn't feel like this was Christmas even when  I received and distribute gifts it doesn't have that wonder or splendor that it once possessed before idk if its the fact I'm going though something nothing to serious but still some shit its cool I plan to do something big tho imma make a song called  ruby colored hedgehog  and honeybees its not hard to know who it is about

the next gin of ...

like the x men the next generation will rise now what is this about read between the lines because i wont blatantly tell you  but with an anthropomorphic  pink hedgehog n bumblebee i have been dropped off rammy got a crush im proud of her actually tho shes moving on  but back to the reason the two anthropomorphic life form really dont fuck with my  "good but obviously not good enough ass" im taking to fact that im just that unattractive (its the truth ) oh hey its the voice inside my head where was u (i took a break because i was repressed) by what (your party life) cool i was about to go back to life i need alcohol because sober life is too hurtful n i cant handle it when 21 im getting killing my fucking liver and because this person who dont know the difference between my life and the life i created and yes i will also do drugs n other shit the only time im happy is when im destructive to my self so let the self destruction begin because its something that i need i guess u can say gin will be my new engine nice but its the truth dont judge me im moving on to become an angry alcohol artist who pushes just enough people out of his life to be confided a bad person and you know what thast perfect im not proofreading this till like next year or what ever

amatory rage 2 blog version

dont baby me when i dont want u too then when i need u too u dont want to i honestly dont get girls like y act certain when not needed i want somebody to kick it with n be calm with but yet i am not that lucky i tried to hate love buts its too hard im ugly unattractive unattainable its like i dont give full love when females want i give it at the beginning but they dont deserve or even respect it

mayday!!!

thanks to that band i wanna write so much right now but its 6 in the morning so i really cant but its a Sunday you know its kinda funny what happens to the mind after it took from its element normally ill know its Sunday because my mom was off yesterday and shes going to church today because i worked around her schedule and since im not i dont even realize its Sunday nor Saturday i got so fucked up on thursday it become something like a habit drinking while smoking something i only dreamed about because being high is fun everything is spacey u feel good and wanna chill when u on n if im not mistaken i was more drunk  then high it is increased i felt good i wanted to race i was rapping i was chilling i was alil moody but i had a reason to be but everything else was great in the best part is i remember the good times like a highlight reel like i remember skating racing talking rapping but i dont remember anything in between that i will plan to do this more often alcohol dont even burn nemore i take it like soda but on top of all that i still wish i was in philly or the people in philly was here or whatever it would be better i think but jhene aiko is my baby i love her n she gonna love me everybody probably asking well what happen to wendy i slowly lost contact with her sad face i thought it was special but maybe she was but couldnt be loved like she wanted to be lovebut w.e i wanna be in philly tho but these people here in the ghost zone  r fuvking awesome so laid back n chill n real thats you cant get mad at them neway imma listen to more mayday and jhene aiko 

bui bloggin under the influence

i have no thoughts im just playing pokemon and im going to stop fixing my mistakes with typing in shit but wtf was i talkin about i dont see neverythiing because of the glasses in shit but in koving the glasses fornow n shit so yea im keepin them like absoul or easzy e im likein tbecool look and the vjew dark tint umm i see yakk later becyase u dibt jbiw what in sqyin  ghostt zone

ghost zoned

its crazy how i think im in the ghost zone right now but finding out alot about myself its like im opening up my mind n i might do some more later useing something i wont say what tho but its w.e im keeping thses glasses on my face for a while brcause i dont want people looking at my eyes ineemore it too much guilt but fuck it im do what i wanna do its hard but the voices dont bother me if im trying to do what i want i guess they not so bad but then again i dont maybe they are takin a break i have been drinking  more oftenly n i will drink some more

money art and wars

so i finally had a breakdown with no tears its seems like the closer i get with god the  more i feel attack and i see it like last night i felt something i have never felt before as the gammit of emotion take control of me i listen to music and did something forbidden i wont say what i did but i wasn't suppose to do but with each time it was a rush and high that was controlled by adrenaline and it was addictive because i craved it more and more so i didnt stop but anyway the depression shit has been increased inflated n went though a influx like 10 fold like smiling is rare people ask whats wrong i finnally say bad and after a while it would be dissolved and noone cares but at least this time its different like i finally  told yall so its no longer a secret but neway either way it goes i feel depressed stress and in need of rest not physical one but an .........i dont know im broke and my art is kinda diminishing and it causes wars dont love me oh yeah i just been told that even with all my effort ill  still get thrown under the bus while my friend whos is not interested in love gets it i dont get it why lord when is it my turn im sorry i kinda snapped for a bit n now with everyone knows i can finally becoming H.I.M  if u dont know who is "he" look at my post previously


oh yea i had  a dream about being backstage with ab soul with him proforming in philly and we was smoking and spitting and i asked to be soul brother number 3 and that dream was soo vivid you my cousin naim was in and xo was in shit was crazy im mad it wasnt real ne

the tattoos i wear
are actually tears
that i ripped but also carry with fear
when make one the other disapear
and when the other is gone the other is forever there

how about now

So I got anew phone from this bad ass asian chick I need to text so I can get the website for the new battery n shit but yea I'm just blogging from my blackberry(techniclyim not i send it to my email and copy and paste it on the computer technogy crazy huh ) blog blog blog I got to finsh this song I call it ROADS meaning rambling on a desperation song so once I finish that song that's 4 n I got to do memories (sound of a female) n is  gentlemen ever in season so that's 6 then my song about death n religion. I don't have a clever name for it yet next is a song about careless people in a postive light[to moan in poon (ba] (8) a song about music being a drug then fear (forget everything and react). So that's decadence and i have been feeling pretty depressed lately i try to reach out to people but i cant get the ones that i want my fault blahh  fuckin blah blah i dont fuckling care i covver my ears so i cant hear the nay sayers ugh i need togo the ghost soon if i dont i will snap and im not trying to but i also need amy poetry and rammys presence (you cant wonder why i need all 3 ) i wonder if i get a girlfriend will she have all these quilties (most likely not) but i need someone stable but i wont most likely this is gonna be a long cold fucking winter (so wait the last girl you had 1 only lasted 6 months and was close to 6 months ago smh at you man )so i guess its back to imagination gettin lost in it and let me explain im not begging for love i want companionship with a female so im gonna create it with my mind (SMH) but i guess im done amy is on the phone irony
                               {end transmission}

Sonic the hedgehog is dead

but not by my hands!?!?!?
but by the hands of amy ?!?!?!

crazy shit but its true and you think this is a great day for me but no no where close because of me being next of the bench someone else is now on the floor (WHAT?!!?!?!?!) iknow i thought i was next but no some other nigga is like what the fuck but thats my fault n guess what no more secret ron-day-vooos so im basicly done who would have thought that if my mortal enemy dies ill be dead too... sad day in the hedgehog life guess shadow is dead danny might be brought up just so i could go ghost in the ghost zone i wont even go for ember ill just go for the numbness rammy is elsewhere and lisa is gone completely both of them because of one did and the other basicly commited suicide (emotionlly) umm nothing left to say just bout to be happy in my maddness
happy in (my) maddness
H
I
M
GET IT
                                                   {END TRANSMISSION}

behind da scenes triple k

peep the bars

never look at this directly

i noticed that noone is special but human attachment makes you special just like money if people had no attachment to it it would be nothing but green paper with old dead people on it people are the same like everyone was strangers at first then you grew to know ,care,love a person and now you are in a relationship and with a person you dont wanna "live without" i thought about that awhile ago while listening to the voices they have been more signifcant and more vocal like thats why they speical like that logic but idont care i got to make a 10 song mixtape by dec ?? i will give myself a deadline of the 12th of dec just because i need one i been rapping for a decade 10 years n if it takes another 10 years so the fuck be it because i have a dream AND BITCH IM GONNA LIVE IT  so i lost it for a min but check it im not rushing nothing in life anymore everything is now going to be with  the flow ill make a song about it later nice lil consept omg now i wanna rap n btw mickey factz is motherfucking sick 
peace

my dream well dreams

1. so i was doing a run for my school and i cheated and the finishline was at penn landing (which is not weird ) and its night time (kinda weird) so i was at the finishline then i was approached by a random girl (yes she was white did u mention u have to mention that )  and we had small talk them started making out then a crowd came and we stopped to see what was going on and when i turned around she was gone i tried to look for her in my school which was at penns landing( very weird considering the fact that my school mlk hs is in uptown ) and when i went in it was day time but i can turn around and see the night sky at penns landing (fucking trippy) so i was walking in my distorted school and came acrossed her in the computer room then i woke up

2 it was quicker then the last one i was talking to someone and my aunt told me to come get my son but i was watching my nephew nahjeer at the moment but his dad came and got him and i went to get my son and i got lost around my aunt way ran into to old ladys (don't forget they was white too) and we conversed and out the corner of my eye i saw my aunt house so i like ran there so i can get my son n i saw him in a black and gold stroller and he was the cutest dark skin baby ever


i just wanted to tell them two stories really quick  they was so vivid and i was  actually beliveing i had a son or a white "lover" not the first time i had a dream about me haveing children another time was ember was pregnant with my baby n i moved out to live with her (the baby name was melody genisis tadlock  idc how anyof yall feel about that name )

im scared i dont want to have a child now im only 20 its alot of shit i didnt do yet like take a bunch of mind altering drugs for no reason,have a 3 some,4some,orgy wake up in a place where i dont even remembering being i wanted to do so much stuff so i can get the craziness out my mind ,body then i ll be ready for a baby

this better not be a sign (sigh)


                                                                   {end transmission}

                                          CHAOS CONTROL
                           GOING GHOST
POPPIN PILLS

Charles Hamilton - Epic Fail

i am such a ....

the hook descibe my mood

wendy ceas n sunshine in space

i love that girl i swear
no its not Amy
or rammy
or ember
but....

i notice people dont realise love until its too late and if that isnt sad idk what it. like if someone died what do they get omg i love them soo much imagine if thats a suicide victim it would be worse because if u would have said it when they was alive they would still be alive (hint fiucking hint)but any way ive made a song last night well this morning im gonna make one today in this place i should be job searching but ill push it till tomorrow dont ask why well i only got 33 mins left lately ive had the feeling being amorous   to people but it always back fire the feeling of amatory is killing me (see im showing off a new word i learned BE PROUD OF ME ) anyway i have to make some thing good when i do write im staying here until it closes its gonna be cold as fuck going home oh yea my mood swings are back and hard3r then ever (or it could be just us fucking with you) w.e voice but sanity is no longer promised in my life im to unstable (mentally and emotionally) n how can you control instability ........... exactly and what i will do is show u why im diggin micky factz right now above will be the video heart off his mickey mause project i wanna be on this level I'm hungry I'm tired and uii still got shit to do (25 mins fat boy hurry up )  but im done (..) ok then
well
peace
i love you Wendy like soooooo much

wait so i put it there now and so you will see the video below this sorry

Mickey Factz Presents Mickey MauSe: Heart {Scene 6}

$wace - Triple k

OK this is swace video triple k imma promote it for a few reason one because thats my bro and 2 xo the name dont ever put up tags so with this video swace prob wont eat and we cant have that

dark reasons

have been my logic for so many years its been made by one of my voices in my head inside my head its like my head is a dark room (matrix) and many people in this room(voices) and many doors(opportunities /option) i have to pick one in the dark only by what the people say some times they scream some times they quiet and sometimes they repeat some times they say it once but however everyone of them talk and you can tell when they agree because ill be more determined to do something then ever before but thats kinda rare some one always gotta disagree and make me confuse and people thing i can persuade them what do you thing these people can do way worse and even persuade others in my head its gettin crazy but its nice to see im evolving a lil more the final solution is not finished however it wont be until i die do anyone wanna know what it is straight forward ? well its basically the idea of having people by your side and thinking the way you do on certain subjects that when you die either your memory or your ideals will live on (ill give you some examples:hitler,pac,biggie,warhol, basquait etc) so final solution is not just suicide but way to change the world positively(or negatively) also i have been having bad dreams a lot lately and they are very vivid i want the music dreams that cooly pac and ch had lucky its gives them confirmations about music i dont know if i should do poetry  or painting or drawings or movies or photogrophy the art word is to vast so i know i wont be stuck in just one sub genere of it but still is rapping for me can i get that same joy i had as a teen now that im growni need  to reavulate my choices about music umm i have some time to think about it but it will be thought about. LOVE,LUST,LOST now put a "will be " between them 3 words  and by the way i hid my heart if someone cared or even wanted to know its no longer in my chest those on the hunt good luck with finding it mwhaaa (evil laugh)wahhhaaa
                                                {end transmission}
 
                             CHAOS CONTROL

             GOING GHOST

ive lost rammy

its crazy its the 4th time i made someone cry with my actions of being myself or at least let them in to my mind  n i only have 5 girlfriends well had so its safe to say its me i think i need to be away from people for awhile people just dont get me im gonna do operation destroy and rebuild and if you wanna know what it is just hope the library gives me extra time i wanna leave now but i dont have  Internet anywhere else so fuckit my heart hurts figuratively and literally i can only help it one way confession: you know how someone with tattoos say its addictive well my cuts are like that its been times where my arms have been just been begging me to get a knife and just cut them but i cant the few things that makes me happy cant help since now pressure of perfection have been thrown into the mix my phone is broke im broke my mp3 bout to die and basically i cant put no more music on it im alone im questioning existence like do i need to be (kinda i think you do but i can tell you why) well, inner voice inside of me that i put in parenthesis  how can i find out (idk man idk im just as lost as you) i wanna go to nj for some reason i wanna go i wanna leave idont know where just somewhere like anywhere but here (but we cant leave we have "thing we have to do") inner voice you know as well as i nothing is staring to matter (right ) ok then so why should i care about the "things we have to do" (man you got off topic like a fothermucker might as well just wrap it up) ok


IM GONE


                                                        {END TRANSMISSION}

self loathing at its finest people

i don't even know why im writing this (because remember i have to be smiley faces all the time) but i kinda have to i am a 20 year old who is a. jobless b.houseless c.broke d.carless e.not in school now every last one of these things can be fixed not that hard to do but yet they not idk i don't have that ambition that i use to do them. maybe because im not forced or i want to prove people wrong but i cant get by on my dashing good looks for long i have to rise up and take that test for ccp so i can get into school the job thing can come after but here's another thing that fucks me up a social life. ok ever since i was younger i didn't really have a social life per say but once i got older and more social able i attained one and i guess you can say its a sacrifice but im not ready to make that sacrifice i want to have fun so maybe ill focus on either a job or school because a job can help my social instantly with the money and the what not gives me more things to do where school would help me in the long run with the degree and such so its just a matter of what i want  now or later i have to give myself a deadline with out stressing myself out how about before thanksgiving i have to make a choice or what i could do is leave it to fate/god like ok im gonna focus on getting a job if i get one before thanksgiving i have my choice if i don't then in the spring ill be going to ccp i like that plan  that way ill be taking a

incorrect

perfecting perfection perfectly produce pessimism
im living through a prism
see me then you dont multi color leave
like the Autumn leafs
i fall with the breeze
and i move like the bees
and then im calm like the seas
but ultimately i go with the flow
i dont know what for but hey i still go
i do what i like i live carefree
im not trying to stress because its harmful to me
mentally
detrimental to my heath
destructive to my wealth
and the well being of someone else
meanwhile
i do what i want at my own time
because its my mind
and if everyone accepts that ill be fine
now you tell me why am i incoorect tell me right now what was inccorect .....i want to know so i can corrct and put my pessimism back in check

hold up this is my 13th post on the 31st (cool) and its in october so because of that no more october post after this one so if i have something to say it would be added on this one anyway im still in delaware a nice lil mini vacation i can chill with the nagging in philly but i would have to go back home eventually but until im gonna enjoy my time down here but check it tho i made it a lil habit to go to sleep a lil buzz somehow all while i was here the people here are so fucking cool they are just good people and shit and they just wanna live life if it was more people like that in philly wouldnt my circle of friends would be huge but its not most people in philly are only in love with money i think ill go to nj next cheeck that place out  for now the phantom is out back into the ghost zone
peace

my worst enemy

is me tbh but when i try to give an option on why i am its a bad thing i have two type of people in my the complete hero then the complete villain i dont wnt them to merge but noooo everybody wants me to merge them to so i guess its smiley faces every thing else is now staying in my mind so no one will be in  the matrix any the fuck more  you cant handle and (if ) when i kill my self you will find out either was i a mryter or the greatest villain ever  i take that back i don't even know if ill kill myself it would hurt more if y'all kill me the final solution  is now expanded its not just suicide anymore nope just smiley faces and happiness just smiles and happiness..........smiles

back in the day shit

im in delaware

and a storm is comming i bet not one friend will find out if im ok  oh and btw unless necessary no more fb post just on here n btw if the final soultion goes on without a hitch i dont want any one to hurt themself in any way shape or form that would be my dying wish respect it

operation shadows sucide

so i know i havent said it but i have been trying to end it all for a while im unhapy with the life and under great amount pressure so with this party i plan to get alchol posining n od or what ever but it failed because im alive to tell the tale but this is not the only time im a true this this month or year i just want to be happy even if im dead i feel like a bad person and if noone loved me that would make soo much sence shit i dont even like me let alone love me im make this short im dying slowly nside and my phone died like it fell in the toliet so i gotta get a new phone again

116-

so check it right im with amy like right now n not to long before this nigga sonic called and they talked to each other on some nice stuff so its like i was in the middle im not the 3rd wheel im more of the 2nd bike and you have to respect that he got her im more of the thrill ride that be on the side but its a tad different amy dont want me neither but i dnt want her with him hes not right hes boring old history but us we have cheminstry (ohh imight make a song about this )  shadow the hedgehog wont take this laying down he would rather figure out  aplan to make them come together(worse nightmare on the best night ) or make shadamy (perfered plan but prob wont happen ) or just continue to lead this life of a the best sideline ever but its cool either way nuff said its up to amy                   -end transmisson-                                                                                                                                                                                  CHAOS CONTROL

with my type of mind

like people better tread softly because if i dont care about if i live or die why wouldi care about you dying thats more of towards the people i consider my enemies  i said either i save alot of souls or take alot with me when i leave its alot to account to this so caled "random" age but i wont name one 1. cause im on the bus 2. i dont feel like gettin more angry ........maybe i should be homelss because there is nowhwere i call home just places i lay my head

5: 23 (wait i noticed the time is wrong on my blog. why??)

ember ,romona, amy = the only3 that seem to matter ill explain it because iwant to put it on the blog the pics i downloaded they fit so well. but one person i believe will always be a lisa miller (a friend  who just tease) like whats the point and other one i called lisa miller have changedon me drasticly like we dont even talk any more this was my best friend best fucking friend (maybe my crush on her fucked it ) and i feel sometime of way about it because like wtf changed ugh but my emotions have been running wild lately mainly love n hate people dont know whats its like to be at the extreams of both sides like i do i want love and i would do everything for it even sacrfice things and i never get it as soon as i say im gonna reain single i get nothing but attention yall cant do that to me im emotionally unstable and mentally dependent on my emotions (i want food) it will have me confused and easily put me on the dark side (starting to feel tired) oh yea shadow got fixed (yay!) i missed him so much i was riding it gave me freedom i cant wait to ride again (hunger and tired is a bad mix ) ive been listening to mickey factz alot that guy is sick i swear he is quickly rising up in the ranks of artists who influence me (bacon eggs anc cheese with toast and hot coco and sleeping with a big conforter and sweatpants) listening to l.e.s by childish gambino and im thinkin about awkward black girl and her relationship with white jay n now i want something like that(wait is love all you think about like focus on music) iben trying to make new songs and the only songs that comes out are songs about females(thanks alot mickey fothermuckin factz -_-)i mean i can do other kind thats something i perfer for now at least i really dont mind because i know in about a month or two its not gonna be like this (stop lying you gonna belike this all winter ugh this is gonna be a long season) wait its 6 well 5:52 already jeez i guess im going (yea right you gonna go down stairs and get something to eat like now because we are hungry) to sleep .........peace (finally )

fuck it all

ok i said my family only would care if my soul hover and to all my lovers they can find another and my sister got another brother and my dad dont even want contact with my mother......my friends could stop it but they would finnaly profit because what typeof rap group could make it with a fat black kid who tryn be gothic and with the skate tricksi wasnt sick so with me it wasnt even a topic so they drop it  andmy  females friends im no where close to a goood bestie because i s0pend most of the time think yall was sexy  i anit shit i think i got them every human i come in contact with  im a human mutherfujckin cancer who might have cancer and it might be a sucide bioweaponary suicide  the best kind  ......the best fuckin kind

a poem i made

KNOW THIS
i havent felt like this in a while
look at me
try to feel what i feel
i feel nothing
am i suppose to
its like i depleted everything
nothing is left but fumes
and ashes
the ashes come from the tobacco
i use to pacify me from the stressful
things i put up with
my bags are packed I'm ready to go
i tell you to reflect me
because i feel you beat me to it
did my kisses mean anything
did my words mean anything
did my actions mean anything
did my attempts mean anything
but if they did we wouldn't be apart
separated
split up
dispersed
unrequited love is a bitch
so ill match you and you match me
and feel neutral
but only you can make me stay
let the pain affect you and ill drop my bags
but until then
BYE

air + water= windy seas..

i swear it would make sence but let me say the water is venus if anyone wanted to know but check itout so much on my mind i wanna write but i cant i have a test i should be studing for i have not picked up that book once well i did butit  was for a lil while  yo back to the subject windy seas meaning something violent angry n dangerous but it could mean peaceful and perfect weather i never said how  much wind i just said wind so it could be something tropical but its whatever people really dont want it to be like that mybe they are right maybe it shouldnt but then again ........ugh why the world gotta zodiact like that (brandun deshay thank u) dont touch me if you dont need me dont want me ifyou anit gonna keep me dont say love if you anit gonna try it and dont break it if you anit gonna buy it im done......peace

memorabilia

a neckless ,keychain,a hug ,akiss ,a shirt ,  hoody anything ..............................you ever feel like you cant find something or someone that brings peace in your life well you are not alone. now lets get this str8 this is not me complaining but ive been on a quest for peace(superman?) /art for a while and im about to go around phily and take pictures of humn interaction (real human interaction they wont know that im there or taking a picture of them) because ive seen some beautiful stuff. the mom at the busstop with her child as the child talks her head off about school and shes sitting there with a smile or the father who is teaching his child how to ride a bike or two people walking hand and hand down the street or just a person in front of something can be art that what i like about it art is not limited to the rich we can (in most times do)make it everyday now on a personal note i hope it doesnt rain today (its 430 wens) becuse i have plans i wish would be fufilled (sigh) well i would keep bloggin but i have to finish watching the basquiat movie (the documentary) and maybe find something to eat..........well peace                                               wait hol up i didnt use the title i never wanna b forgoten by anybody who met me or came in contact with me thats a fear of mine now i can say peace after an elipse......peace

heart start beatin like a drum when i see ya

i want to say im n love but im not but i do feel love forreal as i layin my bed listing to briana latrise i think about a cold night and people hanging out or making out or both i love the cold as a couple and if i get a night like that (or should i say a night like that again ) it would be a perfect type thing idk what it would be i just know i would love it idk why im way more affectionate in the cold but i am i wanna be held as i hold i wana kiss when im being kissed its just something about the fact that passion can literally heat us up hold it right there my eyes are getting heavy my fall wishlist a romantic type night or whole day just the cold and a lover of my choice (insider) peace

choices

i want to say the choices i have is like crazy not with life but with various things in my life hard to explain because if i do .... im sorry im so distracted  right now im in a car listening to chapter 5 trey songz bout to go to class my mind is like everywhere ill do thispost later on im that distracted

wtf is wrong with billy madison

ok im going back to class to get my insurence lincence 1-5sat 8-5 sun because of this i should be studing something im gonna do when i get done but im blogging because of something else im not gonna say what but i will say it changed me and i think i should listen to ex factor  by ms hill (smh again tho) like yesterday had so much shit it didnt feel likme one day woke up on swace floor went to sleep in moms bed (shes not here free crib till sat  :( im alone ) and i didnt think in that 24 hours or so that it could changed my opinon on so many things shit getting crazy with knives and pre rammy but i think its over like i wanna move on (to someone else ) but i cant fight the feeling i have around certain peple (this is what happen when u mix a raven with a dove) i kinda wish you could merge people then i wont be as bad actually if u merge some people from my fab 5 (main exes) it might be the perfect girl for me (ironicly not one of these fab 5think they are the onefor me they might be true but i doubt it) broke my skate wheel irode ixt for a while n felt so good i miss shadow(my skateboard) but thats a different story i gotta clean eat study then leave to take another quiz im gonna past one of these jawn  current mood =:l

i want my phone or personal computer (another quick post)

20 mins on the clock this time lets go
well i want a person Internet i mean i thank the library and all but i want to download and upload some music i fucking went off on that idk joint and i want the person it was about (hint one of my lisa millers) and the world to hear it besides that fact (17 mins) i have became more focused on art then just living i think the need to see hear and experience art is very important so im trying to make everything art pretty cool huh but anyway not that much has changed so much from the last post( had to change the video i was listening to ) i could stop here but im not even tho i have nothing else to talk about i have transpass and a few days so tomorrow regardless if someone hit im gonna catch random buses and start writing because i got concepts but i just need the right environment and my house is not one (changes song again) ironically the songs i wanna do is about the opposite gender and yet i have not one female type presence physically with me could that be the exact reason im making these songs ????(10 mins) maybe but i dont know because i .....just dont  and to correct what i said last time i dont need a women i extremely want one or maybe i do need one  hmm????



bye

quickest post ii ever did

oki got 12 mins to write a post shouldnt be soo hard but im in a public computer so everything is timed anyway today i got to certifacation one is for auto and home insureence the other is for debt (holla at me im doing things )  this month and the next i could be on my way to sucess i hope so im tired of being on the bottom (10mins) my lyrical content and flow/candence changed its almost scary about my skills im hungry btw didnt really eat all day once i leave tho ill get something to eat when i get home  but im proud of myself im actually makeing steps forward in life and next is a job then maybe school maybe (maybe) femaleswise idk because im not worried about them now (7mins) because as mr warhol said as soon as you sstop worrying about something it will come so the pyt will come when they wanna come my priorities should be god art and family in speaking of family alot of crime has been hitting philly and i got me a lil worryied my circle better not be involved any (awesome i have just been given an additional 15 mins which raised it to 20) but its now like i said peace and music and evolveing as a person hope i dont lose my uniqueness because to be honest thats why i dont wanna grow up also i got lost in the matrix not too long ago like i felt what i created in my head which is like weird it never happen but something happen in the matrix i got mad abaout it then in reality i was mad out of the blue (so if i think it emotionally could it change my mind emotionally ?) i wonder if i could finnally control my emotions but i get a phone on saturday or so hopefully
I WANT A WOMAN 

seems like i went contridicted myself but its true i want that love that a only a woman can give you





that nice fire and desire


(sigh 11mins left)


(sigh)
well i guess im done

peace,music,happiness

think like a man

tell me why this is a terrible concept ok its because u cant that do that every man is different just like how every man is different ii just saw two movies [this and ted ] where the girl wanted  to change the man its the best friend who's the enemy or its just an outside force that fucks with it simply put you cant rush love you cant out trick it its a wave that cant really be surfed on or controlled neither sex is Neptune [the god of water]   dont lie lying make things worse on both parts being a player in a man is overrated n cheating in women is also overrated visea versea i have more things to say but mind is semi preoccupied shall returned .......

idk whAT to do

my life has been so confusing mainly because i need to release some thoughts. on a lot. more then this blog can contain or handle i wanna some real ears to listen to me. i got my best friend back well she never left be we talk now..again kind WEIRD SINCE I JUST MADE A SONG About her. its crazy when i make a song about someone they wanna talk to me again. I'm still releasing it but i hope i don't lose my friend again .its like 6 n i wanna know why I'm up oh yea i took a nap out of boredom i have been interested in Andy Warhol lately [thanks mause] so i was looking him up earlier. he was a very eccentric person I'm hungry but i gotta workout i cant wait to go to Florida because i wanna see some new location some new people might see some pyt for some sugarwall action random i know and yes I'm no longer putting periods just because i choose not to and i am lazy to put them where they belong when i proofread this lately i have been writing bout women i thinking next might be a sex song i haven't done that in a while and i wanna see if i have evolved enough for it to matter like would i be talking about the same thing idk my typing skills are increasing [typing skills +250 pts] I'm proud and pissed because that means i type extremely    too much well time to eat after correcting my few spelling errors i wanna kiss someone or hug or put someone on my lap n look them passionately in the eye and tell them how i feel

sensitivity and vulnerability

all im gonna say is some thing maybe should stay in the matrix but its hard when you become vulnerable to someone. maybe i should just kick everyone out the matrix and start anew. it sounds like a good idea. it hurts easier when people are in it anyway. at least the core is not affect completely key word COMPLETELY  feeling upset to upset to put the signature. its been like this for a while . furthermore i have an interview(s) u have to go on tomorrow so no staying up for me :(

architect might shut this down

Ok the glitch with the matrix is the fact it is artificially made to make me happy. A false sense of security that leaves me unharmed by the deadly sun rays that the outsiders(reality) create. Ironically that's the problem people will not understand where my heads at. i walk the streets without a care just worrying about how i feel and people will take it as i forgot them or don't care about them. The phone is the most bi sexual thing in the world it goes both ways,and its been sooo many days where i text or call i get answering machine or a convocation that ends quickly with a "k" or a "lol". so what do you want me to do. do you want me to be happy let me be in the matrix. i'll still communicate with the outsiders with the operator but let me stay in my zone. but since i cant the architect might try to shut down the matrix. Letting my unstable mind with the wildest imagination run rapid in the city of Philly not a good fucking thing. especially since self destruction is not a problem but sometimes a solution for me. AND WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THESE COUPLES COMING FROM I THOUGHT CUFFING SEASON WAS A FEW MORE MONTHS.It's really depressing me because i want it soo bad but i won't be moved to do something i'll regret. Need me some money,love,shit right now i'll just take a pair of ears to listen to me.  SOMEONE FUCKING LISTEN TO ME !!!

iwant to be abused.....in a good way?

lately being pulled in and out the matrix i have a feel a mixture of aggression and pain and pleasureand relaxed so i guess a lil feel of pain is a feel good feeling like i was singing a song and i was ripping off my shirt and scratching my skin it felt good idk well i just depressed myself idek y i feel depressed i was just writeing this post now i feel like im worthless :( i guess im going to sleep now andi guess i got my wish my mind will now abuse me this is my fault for leaveing the matrix to help other people and other shit

only one person will(might) get this post

ok let me explain this is my digital matrix.
the real matrix is the place in my mind where everything works how i want it too.hence why im not as angry (not aggressive) as i was before. its literally a mental escape. ok now since i  explained that let me say this there might be a breach in my matrix. what is a breach? an invader,an unwelcome guest ,a stranger if you will. now this breach is unlike any other like there are some i can control (wish not to have any but sometimes i just have to)but its some i can not. this is one of the can not's. now i can honestly say that i am prepared for this breach to an extant but idek when is it gonna come where is it gonna come from or even if its gonna come. i have been told by my intelligence (both domestic and foreign ) but it could be wrong. the keymaker(the one who gave me a physically representation of a lock in my mind ) is come home in a while. only for a day tho but one is better then none and if she use the same key correctly she might be Ramona  MIGHT BE!!! I was talking to my two lisa millers and i remember why they are my lisa millers but anyway i gotta stay vigilant about this intruder [looks back and forth ] PEACE

MUSIC+LOVE+PEACE= HAPPINESS
(MENTAL)+(EMOTIONAL)+(SPIRITUAL)= (PHYSIOLOGICALLY)



who agrees with that statement

yoo sample material

people wont get you anymore ....good :)

The farther i get in to the matrix (my own head )the less pain seem to hurt. (this feels like a deja vu ) For an example like with the dealing with loneliness n stuff like that. Mainly with the females like i was hitting on one girl(well setting up for flirting to take over) n my savager cousin come in n take her( smh family). Neway the only reason why im dwelling on it so much is because she lives in Philly and into the same hip hop as me (rare). So its like i could randomly see her like fate has this one. Even tho i leave almost everything up to fate/god. Its like if i was meant for it it would happen i wont pussy foot around. However the only thing im gunning for is rapping and skating but mostly rapping. Idk when i make a good song i just cant wait to see people faces. Even if its the look of confusion but there would be another song added to the mixtape (without my prior knowledge) and i went off in a positive way. (in my lupe type shit) I've been using metaphors and other shit like that. Similes im saving for freestyles. I've stop talking to my lisa miller slowly but surely and its weird we used to talk every night like a habit. Now we barley talk kinda odd. Letter to mecca is done but im might do it over. Letter to Katie is written and i have to write a letter to Shirley. I don't think Jocelyne or Brianna will get a letter. Idk know why i wouldn't know what to say forreal Jocelyne is mention  in the song cars but Brianna is real  hard to write about but not impossible. I got my 2 lisa millers to write about one is already wrote but i need a song about them together. So basically i need to talk about my envy Adams , my Kim pines, my 2 knives chau, my 2lisa millers,and my Romona. (idk who the fuck she is at all :() Oh well ill find out when the time is right. Basically leave it all to fate (omg sounds like a song title) ok its 4:43 am and i still need to proofread this and ill write a song later on today or after I'm done blogging. Its just I'm a lil tired from working out and skating even tho i couldn't really do that much due to rain. I'm listening to radiohead and next is Nirvana ok
ne way
peace
love
music
=
happiness

july4-5

the parkway thing i have been talking about it all day so i don't wanna talk about. [at least right now] i am in the house alone because my mom  had to go to my cousin house since she is outta town. I should have went to my dad's crib but i didn't. I gotta take out the trash n shit here. Neway i'm seeing a difference with these work outs. My arms are getting more defined n cut. That awesome! The mixtape N.S.M.Y.L.E is almost done and do i like the final product? not so far. It's not the fact i'm not on that many songs [im on like 3 ] but its a tad repetitive.  [no i didn't really have a chance to throw a concept their way]but i dont like it  for a few reasons 1. everything was though email it was like no creative control it was like "the concept is this" and since you couldn't vote you would just write to it. 2.the concepts didn't differ from every other underground group. 3. there is no type of chemistry at all. If i didn't say we was in a group no one would have known. I mean we could have got together and said i'm saying this that and the third. So someone else could do something off of it  but no instead everything was a secret until you hoped into the booth. In groups that is a important component like no.1 but nope we didn't have it. It seem like we just wanted to get the songs done instead of just rapping with your family. Whatever this is the first [and as far as im concerned the last] mixtape. Also i forgot 4. peoples egos. Now i might fuck around say "i put my foot in your ass" but its a joke i didn't for real because i was only on 3 songs. i'm not even gonna front that pissed me off its about a 12 song mixtape and im treated like a fucking feature. If black hippy did that or if slaughterhouse ill ask what was point of him on any songs. If they minus ab soul or Joe budden on all songs except 3 i'll say wtf was the point. [like once again WTF] With the females man, still kinda empty with this shit. So i'm still solo skating [won't get it until i explain it ] but maybe i don't need a girl but a woman. but fuck i didn't even dabble that much with girls let alone women. I'm 20,broke,living with my mom,slightly immature,slightly self indulging and i stay in my head [when i'm not releasing on my internet matrix[this blog] or my music] that's not attractive to many females at all. So because of that its girls for me 18- ? [i think its only 2 17's year old that is an exception] but yea im about to go listen to an song we did today 
MUSIC
PEACE
LOVE 
=
HAPPINESS

i feel like crying

i don't know if i should make a professional blog or stick with this one.i might just make this a personal blog but the way its made its seem like its for someone to read it  instead of me reading it. i mean i don't really make that many 'happy'post. Neway im living with regret with most females. scratch that, most females let me go and i have to sit back and smile and take it. well im sorry i cant do that. i feel like everyone wanted me and i had a choice. now its like i have not one option like not even a fuck buddy [didn't really like them but its something]. this is a big sign that i rush into relationships because i feel alone. maybe im meant to be alone to figure out why when i am in a relationship it fucks up. its a team effort or sometimes no effort at all, but its me with the streak of 7 months max in a relationship.[but a 6 month average] its more then some but for others that's baby steps. i wanna a long term one like a year[at least a year]and some change and still going strong. maybe its the fact i cant find anyone who likes what i like how i like it. for example i like to walk for long distances and just talk and consider it a date. most girls really don't like it. the whole point of a relationship however is to gain something from that opposite person maybe have some similar ideas but still different so in a way being in a relationship cures ignorance and intolerance [which is probably why i accept many things]n now for the title i feel like crying because depression is starting to be like a drive by of lack of emotion or just a lack of a good emotion leaving me melancholy. i wanna to be babyed but i cant i have to be a man and push on. i honestly fear if i stay alone for a certain period i would be lost in my own fantasy. mainly because its the only way i could make myself happy without the help of drugs. so technically its like my matrix the longer i stay in the more i believe it and become engulfed by my creation. that is how i think. no one can stop me from thinking that way.and on a side note people are getting mad at oeros because of their support for gay marriage. OK 1 let people love who they gonna love gender ,age ,race,creed, religion and/or culture shouldn't stop love 2 really y'all boycott a cookie company because of their belief smh at you anti gays 3 im hoping this is not just a scam for people to buy oeros out of rebellion. i have no idea what they are suppose to be covering up with this gay tread [i no its actually gay people but people now are blowing it all out of proportion because Obama said he support it ] Jesus Christ guys let people live how they wanna live its a short life neway might as well try to be happy in the process 'i am not' im bout to turn the ac back on and go to sleep ps the sun is comming up a sun rise to me is one of the biggest slaps in the face to single people now i sleep  
if i dont cry first or cry myself to sleep
peace 

destructive emo-od

ok lets start off by saying im pushing people away not on purpose but its like y put up a front if i feel some type of way y not tell someone right neway  back to the topic so I'm learning a lil bout my self these last few days like i came close to start loving my self but the afor mention stopped me i don't get this i have low self esteem they tell me to raise it up i raise it up a tad n im cocky i start almost loving myself and im the one with the problem and because of this i have a whole imaginary world in my head this is the first time this was mention on here n to some people. i wont tell u what is in my world but I've been there alot lately and you know what idc. it a great way for me to be happy even if its artificial way. i finished the scottpilgrim books omg one of the best books ive read the movie seems sub par now but they did have 6 books to flesh out people  n idea but the last book is about your problems how instead of run from them like what Ramona and Scott do you have to face them head on its a great metaphor n i have decide too as well but its been pushing away so i guess here is the warning to everyone EVERYONE IF YOU GET PUSHED COMPLETELY AWAY NOT MY FAULT ITS THE UNIVERSE'S WE Probably NOT MEANT TO BE IN CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER. on a lighter note i have decided to go to school its just ccp but im gonna go back up there and finish my forms and go. i guess my real fear is that it might stress might stress me out and ill have no way to have fun because ill be an official [in my eyes] adult however i have a whole world i can do things in. so as of now my reality would be my dream world. so yes im gonna be lost in the matrix believing what i wanna believe and not taking neone in unless they probe deep enough in my head and that's not easy and a lot of girls and guys have tried but ultimately failed since its almo0st  impossible . iknow you are thing well whats the emo part for well i have been WANTING to cut myself lately but it haven't. mainly because if i do ill once again develop a habit of doing it. n these psych ward bills anit cheap so i gotta be my own lover,father,mother,therapist,friend and enemy all at the same time. this is not for the weak so ill try to lean on god if i get weak if i dont feel his presences that's is when ill quit. but as of now team of me noone get me more then me matter of fact nooone get me except for me the writer loner stoner dreamer and make believer J3TT BLIZZI

jett vs the world names

knives chou=mecca envy=shirley  kim=brianna that should clear up some confuseing and my ramona ="stacy"my imaganary girlfriend (yes i have a imagnary girlfirndidc if its weird it helps me cope with the feeling of being alone )shes white (lately ben having jjungle fever idk y ) with blonde hair 5'2  with heels on :( im a mess a longer update about shit later i also wanna say i finished the scott pilgrim books one word =mindblown ill tell u later i think i should make nadirah knives and kim would be mecca and brianna would be envy ill think about it or maybe nadirah could be lisa

bingeing on my birthday

ok en tho my birthday was saturday im bingeing now n i like the way it sound neway quick update my 4 best friendsn my gf forgot like wtf (i should say 4 of my best friends i have more) like i remeber their but its fine im planin on commiting suicde soon i didnt tell you that ? oits apparent u dont read this blog i said new years my bday or christmas im texting this n im texting fast so ne mistakes i apologize with music smh we moving foreword but still smh i feel like scott pilgrim (n becase of brianna i have to keep reading them because they are as addixtive as crack) the one in the book not mike cera but yea commiting suicde or having an attempt some time soon if i don come back im dead n happy peace

Dis[is]tence rough draft

Dis[is]tence rough draft

lenore anti love machine (completely stolen from charles hamilton well the title at least )

why the title idk 


















but i can guess why i picked that title (insert bitching and moaning about females) and (insert more bitching) howabout the fact that(insert bitching about a completely different topic) 










oh yeah i turned my phone off because i was getting people ... in general but i will random turn it on because i want to know who noticed or not im kinda hoping for no new messages or calls why (insert another drop)














well i kinda dont want to depend that much on technology so this can be a nice little experiment 


i haven't sleep at alll im not  tired 
i will be around 10 maybe get myself a red bull










oh yea i was smoking im stressed dammit you complaining about it make it worse 










DUH DUMB ASS PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO READ THESE RANDOM POST 


THE HELL I WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE GET A LIFE 
LIKE I KNOW I DONT HAVE A LIFE BUT YOU HAVE LESS OF A LIFE THEN ME 




GO ON FACEBOOK MYYEARBOOK TAGGED OR TWITTER DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH YOUR TIME 












BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

morebs please

ok my friend (well he was really acting like one lately) is in a coma due to acar crash due to  his gangster friends (who btw left him in the car rubble(what good friends)) ii guess due to us insulting him but everyone in the group is insulted im worried more about his brother vic because he might want revenge but i cant help but think this is my fault (isthat selfish) because we could yave took him back before but he did betray us continuously but ugh idk what to think about this subject  im still in delaware currently in the middle listening to be with kat between girls,music and friends i havent once thought about a job im starting to feel like ch a lil a homeless(wait ... i have a home2 actually) music artist who is struggling with this life and my stubbornness ,personality, past and my mind keeps me back i dont want a sob story because i dont need one and wont like them but its a blog for a reason and ill use for the reason of getting things off my chest besides rapping since all i rap about is girls now (in process of writing middle name dames vol1 :be peparered to hate me )

all alone

yo i would say im buggin but im not i love so fast (being IN love not that much) but yea because i love hard love fast love right love wrong go in go deep go go hard and live love long (thanks briana latrice) because of this most time i want the person im loving all the time thats not how it works i lost so many because i loved hard i loved fast if u give it up when i just met you  if i love right i wouldnt be alone(clever) but i am idk but some how my gf (if that what she still is ) story dont make sence ok she said she only talk to me n sohe so busy she cant most of the time but yet she told she was talking to her ex (double nono) and her myyearbook status says she need text buddies (WHAT!!!!)why all that you may wonder ummm let me see the last text i got from her is may 8th its almost june so who do she want to text her not to mention her status says single n many ask y am i holding on tbh im really not its like a slight grip of memories  of good times in the honeymoon stage (which was short lived compared to my other gfs) sad but true but i think its over but enough about that (this might be a long post) back to this music shit everything in my life is fuckin it up n shit im getting pissed about im so bummy sleeping at so and so house not to go home on some ch shit we are more similar then one might think real quick to the few blog critics out there who like saying my blog is a grammar and spelling nightmare (there is a nice handfull) idc you dont have to read because my new line is check the blog

HEYZEUS [savior]

HEYZEUS [savior]

she /her

she really doesnt understand that she means alot to me she loves what we repersent but dosent love we as an couple of kids its nothing thst i did  but as i grow older  my tolerence get lower we text back an forth but the reponse gets slower
i love her see her as a lover but not suposee to be undercover wantimg her more n more idk whats in store but i belive its the cure to the bore/dom n the loniess make me miss her with every lonely kiss i love her she loves me  if i cant have it all then it coiuldnt be 

             BOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im going off the grid 
peace 

YEA WHERE THE FUCK AM I IN THIS LIFE

ok this the last post(not really) i just don't feel like talking about the same shit go look at my previous post my first one was in 09 so when u have a lil free time go look at them but today i could have recorded but i didn't the last two song i was on was done terribly but that's my fault either i was too low or ..... too low. For some reason i cant rap in front of my friends (DON'T FUCKING ASK ME I DON'T KNOW WHY) i want drugs (you said that before fat ass )ummmm i didn't feel right today(......) yea i wanted to commit suicide (now i know u said that) but i was serious i was on the ledge and i was about to jump in the water maybe about 4 stories up it was pretty big n idk what stopped me it really wasn't because of the people in my life or whatever i have no ambition motivation confidence or any of that bullshit  idk what was it when i got off i couldn't listen to music and feel nor rap to it( u never could u fat bitch stankin pussy) thought of college and my future on the way home but yea might be the last post(no it wont) because  said what i had to say

GROWING UP IS OVERRATED

OK IN 2 MONTHS ILL BE 20 AND AS A TEENAGER I DON'T FEEL SATISFIED OR FULFILLED WITH THE RESULT NOTHING HAPPEN THAT WAS BIG N ACCORDING TO MY DAD THIS MARKS THE YEAR OF MY STARVING ARTIST PHASE WHAT HE DON'T KNOW IS idc to be homeless not something i want to be but if its no way out hey fuck it i wont be school like i thought due to my dad he swear its a scam and he want me to be in the art school of Philadelphia like i don't wanna do what u did bull but whATEVER UMMM MORE ABOUT BEING AN ASS LATE TEEN OK ACCORDING TO SOCIETY MY REBELLIOUSNESS STAGE SHOULD BE OVER AND I BECOME AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY FOH fuck the government the world till i die still wanna to kill america and i still wanna blow up the world i need to wash my hair N WHERES THE FUCK IS MY JOB enough complain about stuff that's out of my control but i don't like telling my problems and shit like this to neone but my blog and my music foh

birthday wish lists

ok i was supposeto make this awhile ago but here it is 1.skate shoes 2. rockband mic 3. a meal from micky ds(seriously ) 4.a scott pilgrim vs.??? book (neone would do) 5.a simple happy birthday 6. saints row 3 7. 3 milkshakes from newhere(nefavlor ) 8. hug n a kiss (limited ppl i swear if neof yall put yall crusty ass lips on me) 9.some captain cruch ceral 10. dont stress me out thats it ummm yea i think all besides saints row 3 areunder 30 dollars

this is me u gotta learn how too laugh at urself sometime and i find this funny lol

SOPA changes name to CISPA

fuck love = add love

is bascily u nolonger the focus in the relaiship [im not gonna complain on this one] now example [ [not one of my personal ones] she in it for something else[money fame or "it looks nice '] he want something eles[sex] she want anotger not another[ emotion connection not pyscallnor mental] and he dont want to cause pain [ breaks up] its add love loseing focus on the fact that a relation ship is in for love and nuffin else soo everybody who reads this let me ask u do u have add love?

or how about ur parner do thjey have add love

take a second think

about

it

peace

how

aobut

me

u

ask

i jst wanna be happpy on that note........

the question why

should i give a fuck about the topic or situration if u dont i wont neither and on that note let me saythat right now im in a psychcitic mood right now for one 2 i m feeling a tad bitsuicideal and 33 im upset so mixed together that is a resipe for disazter but im oot gonna speak my mind for the fouth time this week it couse probelm so what im gonna do is be happy fake my happiness for a min thats all its about ruight happiness so ill happiness and see if it makesw u nhappy and u is neone who reads becuz nobody is profect i nrrd some drugs right now or to cut my.... nvm

PEACE

WELL FOR YALL AT LEAST

UMMMMMMMMMM

NUFFIN ELSE TO SAY NOW

shut the fuck up and kissme

thats the name of a song its about the diffuculty of reliships in that"awkward phase" where u gettin to know.people likea potinal bf and gf the defanation of dating basicly nice huh

is it her soul that i love ....... is it her soul that i love or

her body i love her work of body i cant treat like shes just nebody now thats a ch song called omg whos that now u prob askin y did i quote that the answe is idk it sound nice and was in my head"j3tt now u on the subject of females whats good with that" what u mean female"yea dickfart females" well my aunt gettin married idk when cause i wasn invinted smh ironicly my friend birthday is today [happy birthday alisha] an i got a reason why my gf was "neglatein" me she focusin on school ok(in my ch shepretty ) but my best friend has no excuse known her for 2 yrs last month and nd never saw her anit that a bitch (didnt call her a bitch) but itsjust .....o look at dat dont feeellike talk8in about it laziness at its finest "finish it u fat shit"ok its just like wtf i wanna hang out with feamles because some of yall point of veiw be crazy n shit tbh i be bored like now but i dontlike my friends forthere body (i just want to make it a full circle sorry tahts its forced" ar yall but y the fuck jerry slide down a pole f wrong with u jerry peace

what i think about 4 am

ok its quiet i dont even hear my fan my mom took it out my window [who told her to do that i had a nice tempture with the conforter and a fan on low] but the thing i i hear is the type of my bloggin and judgein by sound i can type fast but not accurere and if i listen even farther i hear the faint sounds of cars drivin blocks away because its so quuiet that even sound from afar can be heard i just fine this tranquil not hearing"ayo where my shit at ,nigga ill fuck u up stop playing with me" and of course " i got thate green out , lusys lusy" [a lusy is one loose cig just in case u didnt know] but neaway idk know what to do hopefully ill get thisrite aid job get some money save it up and get a place thats kinda on my mind for like that longest i want a place where i can come and go when i please i can eat nething and take it up with me only wont worry about nebody and record [ swore i was going to say partys naw thats not me im not about that life] but im hungry bout to fuck up some spitgetti and did u know this is probely my longest post without the depression and that great u guys im growin up a lil bit yaaaaaayyyyyyy[kermit voice] umm idk what more to say oh yea i got writers block for one reason i got a lit cas3 of add i m tryin to do it all withthe skatein the video games the hair styles yea im been doing everything but what im suppose to which is rappin or writng to be excant its kinda pissing me of tho cause i used to be the shit n now i cant think of one punchline call it lazy no because 8im doing other stuff i swear on everything i will write and complete a song today and i will put my all in it not every song i put my all in turn out hot its just help me break from this funk of qritting i can freestyle and freestyle well but yea im done im getttin real thirsty and hungry i wish i had a better day tomarrow oh yea today was ass it was just mainly disappointmentand bored which explain why im up at 4 i went to sleep at 11 i brung that around full circle huh well im eating and going back to sleep peace and much love to ya

blood on the ground

the cold hand touch my hot face

incubus echos in the background

us in the foreground

nufin can break this moment '

except me and you

but more of u and i react to ur plan

but my plan is a lil different

instand of cutting u and leave u to die

im cuting myself giving up

btw i did try

randumb poem it was on my mind

im start listiing to rock[music] more and write a song aday about my emotions because i hate the fact that swace is catchin up to me [its the flow then the lyrics ] but i surpassed him before and ill do it again n btw ...... i forgot o.o thats not good

peace

10 reason y im bad at relationships

1 get bored fast
2 fall in love too fast

3 i am emotion unstable

4 do my best not to tell how im feeling[execpt to my blog]
5 noone take the time to understand ;u could connect it to 4

6 i compare our relationships to others [could be a postive]

7 sometimes selfish

8 broke

9 love too hard [if that make a sence]

10 im me wont change unless needed n that fact that im all these negative traits plus more rolled in one

im tired really because o skating this life n other type of bullshit its like i odnt even go to the liberary nemore maybe because i cant share my intelent [if thats spellled wrong ill look so stupid] same goes for my rhymes i belive in mind that noone whas to hear them but idc about that well wait i haveto because as ofnow i have no work ethic the last time i looked for a job was feb the last time i wrote a rhyme was last weekbut im done complain i gotta eat some noodles nw should make some tea as well oh and im suppose to see my friend to marrow but idk

i scream what i want and i scream

love trust passion

sex with emotion connection

love with a lust for passion

too much to askfor in this world or too much top ask for one girl [tee hee]

butto be honest that what i need

to love me

need me

want me

please me

now a girl didnt do tis that y we broke up ill explain in greater detail next time

peace n im notsingle btw

and so it begins it

but idkwhre to start....let me take it back i want to stop talking to everybody (everybody?) EVERYBODY dont ask y look down at my previous "depressing" post but have an date either april 1st or april 20th y because i want to find out shit bout kme and other ppl n to chu u no i need u its just its soo much u cant handle like 247 (well kinda) n its not "possible" but w\e im tired both ways pysically mentally n btw im hearing voic3s they different pitches then mine peace

trayvon

ok im pretty sure everyone knows about him and im more mad at the race of the child then the crime u wanna know why because thats the focus not the fact that a grown ass man killed a child no the factt that a WHITE man killed a BLACK child and u have to ask ur self if u see an guy on the corer what u thing" oh u yea he looks like a college gragrate"so even in our race we have racism u dontr know how many times i ve herad "nigga why u skateing u anit white or yu listening to rock u and white t" this limit us in a box and by us i mean the human race but as sooon as a eventthat invole a race hurting black its a probelm its a n uproar but what about lil tyreek that got shot byu jamalor nicki minaj big sean makinsexual music that the world listen to and have sex and when i mean world so that y by 18 most womren have already had a child or children(statics) n whos race the black race so hush that black shit up becaue u cant be agaisnt zimmerman but support ymcm its he same team to take out balck ppl

that 200 post lookkinda good

its been 2 yrs since i started this blog and i started it to be a way for me to say nmy ideas because i belive myspace was still poppin at the time and facebook was aight n i hate facebook still but i might go back to it recently i have used it as an digatal diary talking about my dayand such and andlately ive used it for a theripist its like my blog is not gonnna get mad at me becvaue im geeting on it nervousrs or it dont have problems to juggles so i wont worry about it rejecting due to frecsration so blog please continue being my digatal ear when noone else wanna listen