i feel like crying

i don't know if i should make a professional blog or stick with this one.i might just make this a personal blog but the way its made its seem like its for someone to read it  instead of me reading it. i mean i don't really make that many 'happy'post. Neway im living with regret with most females. scratch that, most females let me go and i have to sit back and smile and take it. well im sorry i cant do that. i feel like everyone wanted me and i had a choice. now its like i have not one option like not even a fuck buddy [didn't really like them but its something]. this is a big sign that i rush into relationships because i feel alone. maybe im meant to be alone to figure out why when i am in a relationship it fucks up. its a team effort or sometimes no effort at all, but its me with the streak of 7 months max in a relationship.[but a 6 month average] its more then some but for others that's baby steps. i wanna a long term one like a year[at least a year]and some change and still going strong. maybe its the fact i cant find anyone who likes what i like how i like it. for example i like to walk for long distances and just talk and consider it a date. most girls really don't like it. the whole point of a relationship however is to gain something from that opposite person maybe have some similar ideas but still different so in a way being in a relationship cures ignorance and intolerance [which is probably why i accept many things]n now for the title i feel like crying because depression is starting to be like a drive by of lack of emotion or just a lack of a good emotion leaving me melancholy. i wanna to be babyed but i cant i have to be a man and push on. i honestly fear if i stay alone for a certain period i would be lost in my own fantasy. mainly because its the only way i could make myself happy without the help of drugs. so technically its like my matrix the longer i stay in the more i believe it and become engulfed by my creation. that is how i think. no one can stop me from thinking that way.and on a side note people are getting mad at oeros because of their support for gay marriage. OK 1 let people love who they gonna love gender ,age ,race,creed, religion and/or culture shouldn't stop love 2 really y'all boycott a cookie company because of their belief smh at you anti gays 3 im hoping this is not just a scam for people to buy oeros out of rebellion. i have no idea what they are suppose to be covering up with this gay tread [i no its actually gay people but people now are blowing it all out of proportion because Obama said he support it ] Jesus Christ guys let people live how they wanna live its a short life neway might as well try to be happy in the process 'i am not' im bout to turn the ac back on and go to sleep ps the sun is comming up a sun rise to me is one of the biggest slaps in the face to single people now i sleep  
if i dont cry first or cry myself to sleep
peace