destructive emo-od

ok lets start off by saying im pushing people away not on purpose but its like y put up a front if i feel some type of way y not tell someone right neway  back to the topic so I'm learning a lil bout my self these last few days like i came close to start loving my self but the afor mention stopped me i don't get this i have low self esteem they tell me to raise it up i raise it up a tad n im cocky i start almost loving myself and im the one with the problem and because of this i have a whole imaginary world in my head this is the first time this was mention on here n to some people. i wont tell u what is in my world but I've been there alot lately and you know what idc. it a great way for me to be happy even if its artificial way. i finished the scottpilgrim books omg one of the best books ive read the movie seems sub par now but they did have 6 books to flesh out people  n idea but the last book is about your problems how instead of run from them like what Ramona and Scott do you have to face them head on its a great metaphor n i have decide too as well but its been pushing away so i guess here is the warning to everyone EVERYONE IF YOU GET PUSHED COMPLETELY AWAY NOT MY FAULT ITS THE UNIVERSE'S WE Probably NOT MEANT TO BE IN CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER. on a lighter note i have decided to go to school its just ccp but im gonna go back up there and finish my forms and go. i guess my real fear is that it might stress might stress me out and ill have no way to have fun because ill be an official [in my eyes] adult however i have a whole world i can do things in. so as of now my reality would be my dream world. so yes im gonna be lost in the matrix believing what i wanna believe and not taking neone in unless they probe deep enough in my head and that's not easy and a lot of girls and guys have tried but ultimately failed since its almo0st  impossible . iknow you are thing well whats the emo part for well i have been WANTING to cut myself lately but it haven't. mainly because if i do ill once again develop a habit of doing it. n these psych ward bills anit cheap so i gotta be my own lover,father,mother,therapist,friend and enemy all at the same time. this is not for the weak so ill try to lean on god if i get weak if i dont feel his presences that's is when ill quit. but as of now team of me noone get me more then me matter of fact nooone get me except for me the writer loner stoner dreamer and make believer J3TT BLIZZI