The perfect analogy for my life right now is an airplane that was on autopilot now is being controlled by a pilot that how I feelunready un organize. Etc but as i look more and more into I find that true that I can't look inside and find happiness because that side of me is fight with melacoly side its like what joe budden said sometime I hate my reflection other times im con seeded well it true tho i love myself and hate myself like a girl with a devoiced husband of42 yrs

trop 10 mixtapes or albums

1wale -more about nothing
2lupe - the cool
3lupe - food and liquor
4wale -attention defect
5xv -vizzy zone
6xv -zero heros
7kanye -freshmen dropout
8nerd - fly or die
9nerd - seeing sounds
10 chris brown- chris brown

idont feel so good

A lupe song but also matches my mood I feel useless y? Beacuse I'm unproductive and out of love I mean I love a lot of ppl ok I take that I have love some ppl but I don't feel that bf/gf love that I yearn and need I'm a lover but like a bottle and pacifer I have to ween myself off of it I wanna be coldhearted because no one show me the ammount I need so I'm like a cannibal I can't have the meat o want so I wanna to not eat meat my last hope seems like she don't wanna be with me like I'm a good guy y the fuck not but its cool because when the siummer is over and the weather gets cold so will my heart

tbh

I was asked by my father why don't I have confindence io kno the anwser the years of recule the teasein bullyin and rejections and so on but I still don't kno why I'm notg happy with myself I'm alqways consided avarage or below not ever sexy only to ppl who want me other then that its never andre he is sexy I get oo the black ass nigga with blonde dreads ewww imean am I really that ugly that I can't be fuckable also as a cliffnote I hated prom for the fact of me not havein a date 2 lookin stupid with blonde hair andf a lavender suit 3 I had no date 4 I missee most of it waitin for pictures and most of all nobdoy wanted to dance with me imean I got a few dances but that's it imean I hav low self esttem the only thing I kno I'm good at is rappin I spit a cid my nigga lol no it not funny don't laugh bitch

top 10 favorite food

1 pizza
2 chcoclate
3 chicken wing
4 egg roll
5 cheesesteak
6 fried rice
7 cheese burger
8 grilled cheese
9 pancakes
10 trix yogret

ideal girl

Ard for numbere one she's gotta be smart I love intellgence if we cxan sit down and have a talk on ww 2 that's sexy another thing ivebeen cravin chcoalte lately so she gotta be chcolate she gotta be thick tits and ass and she gotta be at least a 4 in the face she gotta care about me but not to tough but still strict I gotta see her a lot she gotta be affrectionate gotta love rap able enough tro be neive at some point a girl who just as satify to hang out a park then red lobster she gotta be funny silly weird not a boring girl an encentric. Its more but icant think of them lol no not funny don't laugh bitch

the last hope

Is the girl who the rest of my love life will depend on so far all my girlfriends fuckerd up the reason y I'm single but if she fucks up I'm not only goin to be single but just fuck girls with no shame or anything just fuckin bitchesmy exes made me this way blame them

can old love revive itself

I love the way we look at each other even tho we never looked at each other face to face I take place as I take up space in her mind and the same for mine its funny how many people I love without loving myself I could care less if I let my stress bug me out as long as in the house I sit on the couch with the girl ouch that's my insercurty looking at me in a place where looks can kill I get surreal trying to make u feel like I feel about u its real but we would never I'm not afraid to show but I already know my feeling I'm waiting for u tired of being friendly I'm my own enemy just become the sidekick of me

bbs( the love of likein lust)

my mind wraps her with tightness of a boa construtor my venomous thoughts of love pumps the poisin in her vains her anedote of discontent makes her feel better but the monster myself cast another attack and let the heart the black witch doctor take her ways to forget them and so she can live in the cave withme her lust make her like love but once we made love love turns to like to dislike to hate to indifference to noncarein and that and only that can make the love monster drown in sorrows and saddness

if fast love in your eyes

eyes look at me with the lust that i need to touch or eyes look painfully cold eyes that saw years too old funny thing is that im older what i am to u ya phildrewoznoprah so tell me what u goin therugh so the world wont have to be on just u ill share the pain and share the weight now we can do now but we would do better if we wait get it if it looks wrong im sorry i wrote it on my fone

smh

AS some might have known i have wanted to kill myself recently (i still so fall the fuck back ) and i was kept sayin it was the fact i was alone but no its because im shown know affection (idont want hear in calls saying" oh i show u affection" because if u did i wont say it) but i confuse love with affirction i have many that love but didnt show affrection but the only ppl that make me happy always leave like stop that shit (and bri yes im still tryin to get over this penn state shit plz give me time)

donte inferno game reveiw

ok for my 19th birthday i barely got presents (i guess my antisocial i-don't-care-attitude was too confusing to buy me what i want)but when i did get one(from cooly) i got a xbox game called donte inferno now i had my eyes on this game ever since i heard about and ironically i think cooly was there . imean it down to the gameplay to the graphics to the story it was awesome. alil history on dantes inferno it started out as an epic poem in the divine comedy (along with purgatorio and pardiso) writtin by dante alighieri dante inferno however was just about dante rendition of hell he was like a tourist and with virgil asa guide it was like a museum so how are u gonna turn that into a action packed for the short attention span youth? u give a weapon a lot of bad guy to fight(duh) now on with the game it starts of with u as a soldier in a crusade and u come to find your wife(gasp) and ur father(kanye shugs) died and the same guy kills u ur not sent to hell to find the pure soul(wife -Beatrice)and you go through out hell dependin on the circle ur in u will have different monsters to fight like in the lust circle u have to fight im guessin she males but anyway as u go on u will be amused at the graphic i damn sure was and now the pro and con

pros :great gamplay ,graphic sometimes makes it look real,it has alot of hard puzzles

cons :the puzzlers could be sometimes be too hard for no reason,the camera angle changes on it own(idk if this is a con but im use to movin it myself ) itt was too fast i beat the game in a week

that's the verdict i suggest u buy it its a good game

synced up ppl

love life

masks the the life we love

or may not

we both hate life so the love of each other

grows stronger

and stronger

the similarities of our lifestyles makes us think soul mates

so life not so bad

and love is better

but one day the sky bright

but the mood in the room is as dark as the night sky around 12

the tension is high

we make jokes buts its too late

our love we had had faded

and became dim like a light bulb with low electricity

i wish for one more surge or shock

so we can do this life right

we both wanna die lets die in love

and turn the triggers against each other and meet up again

we sync ? right?

R.I.P Ebony& and otherstuff

my laptop battery just died :( its been a year only a year y must the good die ssooo young :(
well my godson (jeremiah) is born well was born the 6th u might be askin y i didnt put it up then because i just found out i would have found out sooner but i dONOT HAVE MY FONE AFTER A FUCKIN MONTH WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FONE LIKE FOH WHATS THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS SITUATION any way if u lookin for music i cant help u because there no way to record im soo pissed i wanna finish the team mixtape but this rate we never will ugh neway peace and much love to ya
peace

all i do is

i hate that i cause pain ok
i hate ppl made which make me upset and feel bad about me
ok it was my gf my friend and my best female friend
ok with my gf our personiltys clash and makes an automatic battle field if we both not in a boo lovin mood our ideas and ways that we handle shit makes us get mad or upset at each other
my friend no comment
my best friend she dont talk to me nemore now u will say time tore us apart but its nuffin like that its just like y cant we go back to what we was ?
its a lot of other shit but its not really botherin me
peace and much love to u

another negative post

maybe because i need something to vent to i cant on the mic i dont have one im livin with my mom now because im tired of my fn dad and his house its too small i dont like nuffin except the fact i can rap i made alist about the things i hate about me but its soo much more it never get fuckin easy always harder im not goin to make it to 25 not because of cops gangs or stupid shit its gonna be because im stressed out and had enough money to buy a gun or buy pills or both either way im killin thyself most likely im cuttin myself today or tomorrow life is nuffin but a path to die and btw my birthday is only happy because its closer to death peace

here

well since i was forced to ..i mean i wanted to do this by my own free will :) this is a poem to show my gf my poetry skills

if any words can describe us is imperfect mistake but beautiful

now u might be asking how ill tell u

after i said after my last break up i said fuck love i will be single

my geometry mind said to look at love at another angle

my answer was to be told at midnight

Cinderella got here wish i told her we might fight

because im differcult to play wit

chill wit stay wit

my loyalty makes me never quit

u must got that from me

because u didnt quit on me so i see

even when everyone said "girl u could be free

u dont need him niggas anit shit"

but shes not quick to quit

even if my shit make her flip

she care not because love is a hole and she tripped

in it

im glad to spend it

with her i own no need to rent it

and the heart a house and we went home

everyone else is by myself and with her im not alone

just hold me as i speak

and ill hold u as u critique

affectionate wants

and my affectionate needs

as we go though the months

we are goin to bleed

but if love is the heart we just bleedin love

if i fail this time ill be done with love word to above

10 things i hate about me

Charles hamilton made a mixtape called this so i made a list too

1. I'm unattractive (too me )

2.i have very low self esteem(as shown by the 1st one)

3.I talk to myself alot(because i only understand me)

4.i over think alot(suicdel feelings)

5. I'm a brat (moms fault)

6.I hate to be wrong(dads fault)

7.I have a very bad temper(the 1st 3 fault)

8.I fall in love very fast(hopeless romantic)

9.I sometimes crack under pressure(weakness)

10.I fight everybody i love the most(i cant control that)

reason

ok i havent updated this because i couldnt get internet connection
well shit has poped off in my life i need to talk to someone but everyone else either dont wanna listern or have their own life its not bitchin i could show u bitchin it more of just weakness never said i wasnt weak and now the only thing i was sure of in my life is now being doubted nuffin in this life is remotely right shit it really seem like everybody who had my back seem to be gone smh idgaf
well im gonna leve now i gotta wash my hair
Love Always shine Everytime Remeber 2 Smile

could i

could i want u if i never expericne you ...........love you and never saw you ...........need you and never had you ...........miss you and u never left me idk if it possible but it happends to me to you and it increase what im lackin for me and you but i dont want it because me and you never should have done it to me and you learn to care and trust me? you? no..... us