affectionate addiction and an inner conversation

i have been feeling a lil more affectionate lately maybe because valentine is right around the corner or what ever but i wanna be baby and i have a porno addiction yup i finally admitted it and i mean it its on my phone my mp3 player my laptop i have certain sites my fav is xnxx and other shit its not even sometimes i be horny but more of just the fact its there its sad because i really cant stop myself but imma ween myself off of it slowly but the biggest thing is i cant write i mention this before but its serious now i can barley freestyle and its not like last time when no concepts came no i got concepts out the ass its just i cant put it down in a clever way i read and thought about my old song and it has so many hidden gems that i didn't even see or realize i love doing that it make me feel better but i don't know and very scared that i can never do that again its the only thing i got now my art no job no money no friends (well they not everyday they have lives that don't involve or should i say revolve around you) i guess the self destruction is a product of non writing if i write i wont destroy myself it guess it came down to this  I FEEL TERRIBLE its like having an i phone but not being able to use it or to have money alot of money like a billion dollars but you cant spend a fucking penny its just taunting me( your sick or at least used to be i don't know any more because  you haven't prove any thing to me') alcohol is calling me  but i cant drink or even have alcohol 4 fucking more months then im gone SD will be took  to the next level i bet money noone even read this in time (stupid ass people don't care im trying to tell yu that the last time they read anything here as probably last year and maybe even older then that but don't worry they will see remember how when we was all involved you wrote you most depressing but yet powerful work)yea(well we can do it again just lets us take control turn off the light and let us guide you )idk it drove me crazy last time (well insanity is a spice of life  and btw how you like normalcy) .... (exactly think about it we be waiting )