things that I never had

I don't think I was completely desirable to anyone I don't think anyone looked at me and said Damn he is off the wall 10 out of 10 the best thing ever I don't get that I get attitude and hatefulcomments ok maybe that's what I'm getting now but in my whole life I rarely got that I want that lustful eyes the taunting smiles the come hither looks that can be used for my ego now as an spiritual being I am not supposed  divulge with my ego I'm supposed to look towards something as a community but my spiritual training is not done so and ego is gonna be there still butoff topics what person wouldn't want that. That feeling of want and needing a person everyone I once wanted or needed had plans that didn't involve me but it's cool no lovelost an the girl I have now is (comments omitted due to negative or ill will that I feel right now when the feelings have subsided a comments will be replaced)but sometimes I want fans who hang on to what I say like no one does in the world now because everyone doubt me either I Give them advice and they dont listen or they just don't ask my opinion are bull and void and sometimes talking to yourself just don't work everyone is so sensitive so Ikeep my thoughts feelings and opinions to myself or to the blog I really need to get back on here not for the gimmicks or the promotion but for me a way to get my voice out when I can't put it in raps or i can I just want to reiterate