planet life

Wait didn't I say this already
Well not really
The more I become a recluse again the more comfortable with myself I get the more comfortable I become with myself the more music comes to me my focus is starting to be on me and I see people as planets and I'm the sun they orbit in my life some planets are in my solar system but don't feel my warmth and some are hot because of it some planets let comets knock them out my orbit but it will always be some that will be there but it's have to be a sun first right because its my life

back to misanthopy (rough)

I know it seems like it haven't been the long I was on a godly type time well I still am but I am now starting to love myself but hating everyone wanted to be with myself until I desire human contact due to the messed biology of humans. but if I could I would be by myself always im the only one who gets and choose to listen to both of my opinion I've done it soo long I can even come up with multi opinions about a topic its sad but its the only I can find happiness because im tired ask people to be interested in me  I find my self interesting enough I give my opinion when I need to and when I need to I come here I keep trying to come back but it always fails but now since I feel like an total outkast like a complete misfit I don't have a choice I don't facebook to know what im doing or going through and my tweets don't get views even when I talk about an important topic if I tells my friends this they will roast and laugh my girl will feel like im not making the effort to open myself so its not really showing interest if I tell you correct so yea I will opt to be quiet and just tell you my blog or you the reader because you have given me something a person in my life at this current moment haven't : A listening ear. if you clicked this link you must of liked something or wanted to know something about me and me alone you didn't come for anything but me that's why I rap I want people to listen and actually be interested in what I say because they might have the same the thought or idea. so again I say thank you for reading and I promise I will give more content and change the site a bit

Confession

It's no surprise that I had low self esteem and my previous state of mind prove that my thoughts was detrimental I wanted to push people not just for my selfish gain but for protection. see I didn't want to get hurt by death rather  intentional or otherwise so in order to not deal with the emotional stress that will be placed upon me when it happens I decided to just cut off ties with people. nowadays its a lil opposite I talk to people and try to keep connections the difference is I want to gain and spread as much knowledge, good energy and vibes as possible. I asked a lot of people the purpose of life and I got a lot of different answer but when it ask I always get an surprised look as if its nothing they have ever thought about. I know i'm not the only one who have had a depression affect me so I know they must have thought at least once" why I am I here? what is my plan? where can I go next?" as children these thought don't ever once cross our mind but when the truth about mortality comes in to play things change. It seems as human we grasp things and expect them to be with us forever. which is not really wrong just a tad bit foolish. this reason alone is the reason why I cut ties with people. all people will leave rather intentional or otherwise. it can be emotionally escaping , mentally moving on or  a physical push off or the worst case scenario death.
we all will feel pain its an aspect of life (remember balance ) but the thing to remember that pain comes from love  you have to felt something (love or love equivalent) in order for it to hurt. I will continue to research and learn to understand life. Soo far I came across with a few things that seem to be a part of my answer: Love, Pain, Balance, Knowledge. I must I am not looking for someone to say that life is about god because what is god? Until you can explain what god is and give an answer that wont offend anyone then you cant explain god. For you have people who don't believe in god but you cant not believe life because we all by definition are alive................ or are we ?????






R.I.P Pop Pop


See you at the crossroads








  

things that I never had

I don't think I was completely desirable to anyone I don't think anyone looked at me and said Damn he is off the wall 10 out of 10 the best thing ever I don't get that I get attitude and hatefulcomments ok maybe that's what I'm getting now but in my whole life I rarely got that I want that lustful eyes the taunting smiles the come hither looks that can be used for my ego now as an spiritual being I am not supposed  divulge with my ego I'm supposed to look towards something as a community but my spiritual training is not done so and ego is gonna be there still butoff topics what person wouldn't want that. That feeling of want and needing a person everyone I once wanted or needed had plans that didn't involve me but it's cool no lovelost an the girl I have now is (comments omitted due to negative or ill will that I feel right now when the feelings have subsided a comments will be replaced)but sometimes I want fans who hang on to what I say like no one does in the world now because everyone doubt me either I Give them advice and they dont listen or they just don't ask my opinion are bull and void and sometimes talking to yourself just don't work everyone is so sensitive so Ikeep my thoughts feelings and opinions to myself or to the blog I really need to get back on here not for the gimmicks or the promotion but for me a way to get my voice out when I can't put it in raps or i can I just want to reiterate