misantropic nihilism

because the general dislike or mistrust for humans and the ideal of believing that life have no meaning. knowing this its not hard to see why i said what i said about killing people. however doesnt make them right . and the whole thing was more of an "humans have been currupted by powerful people in charged who has been currpted by power and have lost their general basic  human emotion ie love compassion sympathy so they didnt deserve their lives" type thing . not right neither but at least itsnot blind rage  n i know i am flawed but this is why im doing it.like the angel who destoryed solem an gommor(didnt spell that right) it needed to be done  now once again not right but its just thoughts. and thats the thing they are just thoughts bot good thoughts but thoughts none the less nothing is solid or have been put in motion  or even been plan to put in motion or even planed to plan to put them in motion just thoughts and ideas.crazy thing is while looking at my problems i see im a fucking baby i want assist from a female to love me and hold me and tell me it will be ok (the world /my issues) but  noone would do that everyone hav etheir one life my first response was not to tell people because its nothing they can do about it but i get confortable with people and beceome a n open book ne way my body is tired but my mind wont let me go to sleep i guess im not sleeping tonight well today

dream crashers

If u read my blog you would know I like dreams I should study it ember was in my dream  idk y I moved on she have too so y in mu dreams I visited her but my dreams have been vivid when I do sleep I have a slight sleep disorder staying up until 6 n them some but I have been feeling unusually lonely n have no idea why imean xavin do talk to me everyday then whata the problem maybe it the friend leaving thing that I'm still not over not able to record or smoke or vent have had me think about ( maybe I did already) and drinking not gonna write a lot n btw in speaking of ember I wa s thinking bout delaware a lot maybe its the freedom I had there the smoking drinking rapping fornicateing it was a unhealthy paradise maybe I need one here I need something because cutting is no longer work( or I just need to cut harder )

my dreams

y the hell was ember in my dreams we had closure and now she is going to school kinda crazy its alot of bs xavin is getting a job n school (good for her) juan already got a job (good ) cooly is in school swace n xo go job corps( good for them) and me ? im waiting for a job to call me back nothing falls in place like it will i bet the girl gonna say she got fired so she cant help me or the job is now filled or some other biull shit (see what happens when you place your faith in mare humans they dont care )don t say that some do just not all (keep telling yourself that when everyone living their life and you are homeless no handouts for u ) so what do u think i should  do (say fuck them all now ) i cant now (just do it soon before its too late because it bad enough u dependent on these funky ass humans )

did i move too fast ???

[imean xavin was part of a group called 'the runaways' should that be a sign i might be overthinking this but it] i understand thats how we cope we think alot even when its not no reason to [yea but is that alil suspicious] what [the fact is she getting upset all of a sudden could that be a new way to break up to less the blow for the breakup-er ] i get it but elaborate [ok if i get mad at you and blame you for stuff sooner or later my feelings for you will decrease and when they get low enough i break up with u with no remorse] like catching a pokemon [EXACTLY like catching a fucking  pokemon] but you dont believe that do u [hopefully not but that's the flaw with overthinking you really cant control whats being thought about or the thoughts itself] shes not that malicious [ok ,if you say so im just saying just a thought]

so wait wait im dating the xavin version of my L.O.E.E

basically now if you dont know who xavin is read more comics but to spear you the time xavin is a skrull.whats a skrull? a skrull is an alien race that comes from the fantastic four universe now the most famous one is kl'rt n he is a super skrull. Now a super skrull is a product of biological engineering now what they do that makes them speical is have all the powers of the fantasic 4. Now back to the point xavin is a super skrull the reason why i said this is because thats is how my gf is. The intelligence of romona , the conversation skills of amy , silliness of ember and the need of jean grey. Now do this means shes perfect not necessarily you see i mention this before[in j3tt love life right] right. I said what would happen if they all combine it could be the best or the worst thing that happen. I dont really know since 1 we still in the realtionship  2 we started not that long ago so because of that its hard to determine the outcome but heres what i will say if she fails my list will be complete and i can finally release it but if she some how take all the crap i throw at her it will be real weird for the league
 or
 would it ?????????????
idk
still waiting on death tho [idont even know why nemore ]

its been awhile

people said ive been depressive so i came off the blog for a while but its been a month im not going to job corps i was trying to go allied barton but they fucking with my e mail emotional ? ive been whimping does that answer your question ive been rocking back n forth on my bed whimping im tired nmow i feel bad now but im tired of talk while noone listening so this will b e another time i wont be back on this

this is nothing as I sit here listening ghost city by ch I wonder if I can even go as far to give up

life has its moments ....sometimes

then again it  doesnt Gothic /emo carving is all that i have to look forward too i tapped out on the uneasiness of life to become a Gothic poet 'erdna ' idk maybe the influence ch has on me have influence me greatly im alone only with the main voice in my head that i talk to we walk philly n really dont care about anything that happens i need new music on my phone hopefully i can get my phone fixed most likely i wont i want to find a hideout where i can be free from the world n not deal with the strees or bs that i do put up with fuck the fbi they might be reading this i want them to come kill me make me a motherfuckiung target tired of this shit no longer mad or anger just waiting on death to take me out on a date then rape me take me passionately in her arms n tell me it will be ok as she rides me furiously n when we done we will get married n ill truly be happy so go ahead n lust for life ill be in love with DEATH







waiting for u to take my breath away baby..............

im gone

i have a plan of leaving im only telling my blog because this would be the last place they look even tho its on my facebook page meetme twitter instagram and pof profile if im not mistaken but nope even with the free promotion and word of mouth through me its not a secret at all and i don't treat it like such but no one listen fuck em all if u just now reading this blog FUCK YOU seriously i ve told everyone close or far from about this damn page so maybe i could receive some help but no help was ever given so im leave my house on Sunday and refuse to come back where would i go idk nor do i care Sunday im suppose to go to a game night so hopefully ill drink to much because alcohol will be provide and ill have poisoning but yall mother fuckers think im playing im not making it to next year im surprise im still here breaking the pact i made with my self last year that i would end it Christmas new years or my birthday the 3 events passed and im still the fuck here fuck job corps i dead ass didnt want to go its one of those you gotta do what u gotta do type things fuck electricity idgaf about how that works but in this corrupt ass world you need the poison that people fight die and bleed for ;money i just wish the world works based on talent or skill not fucking degrees and other bull shit man made accolades so retards can pat their self on the back and say i did something great no the fuck you didn't i don't deserve my diploma i didnt deserve it i didn't do my best in hs you know why because im lazy as fuck but have skill intelligence and potential to be the best but noo its handled to the people who can sit in class copy notes pass test n they are proclaimed smarter because they did something thats routine how is that far its not but thats not why im leaving i just had a moment i had to get out im leaveing because i dont fucking like this fucking world the fucking things in this fucking world and the fucking people in this fucking world are the fucking sheep that leads to slaughter ill admit some are not but most the fuck are its like i dont even wanna die nemore my desire for death is still apparent but i wanna die and my soul goes in a capsule to be never released again no thoughts no feeling just nothing thats exactly what i want to happen but no i get judged on what i do and depending on how strict god is ill be in hell or heaven for eternity thats a long ass fucking time i feel like ill probably go to hell tho i have alot of malicious thoughts and alot of malice in my heart its not my fault tho i was brought up with it and to those who say i use my up bringing as a safety net FUCK YOU again because its not a person upbringing determines alot of decision options choices etc in the persons life my eyes are done looking my ears are done listening the only reason why i was living was because love but even that hurts to the point where you want to kill your self and one person should not have that much power of another especially if it came from such a necessary because we need love to survive it was a study on as humans we need love the only emotion we NEED and beautiful emotion but as i run my hands through my locs n just wonder how many people are gonna find this whos gonna find what would they think and i say to them if they wanted to know my read the rest of the fucking blog .....fucking bastards



peace

j3tt's blizzi love life

(but he doesnt love life ) haha ready (yea) ok first was tia(do you wanna count that ) yea (but she cheated on you for your best friend ) so did angel (forgot all body our lil freaky ass white chick) next it was Brianna (haha the names repeated for you ) i know that's crazy (she was freaky back then tho i wonder i how she is now )probably a mom (yea but a milf tho ) any way next it was Jocelyne (Felisha: crazy ass bitch )but she did love us (yea but she was bad for us ) like most of the others (almost forgot she took that v card ) i know I'm mad because of it after that was Katie ( peach :she wanted to be rescued hard ass shit but she also loved us ) as i said for here on they all loved us but was just wrong for us next was Shirley (ember : that girl) i know (she fucking dropped us hard as shit ill say she caused the most pain out of the league and for that matter all of the girls un official included )yea she was .... (skip it next ) Brianna (Romona the smart beautiful she has a friend vibe to her tho) oh in the best way possible (of course but mecca(Amy fn rose) yup (another girl who has a friend vibe we can stand to be around her for more than a few hours ) which is hard for us (true ) lastly Kendall(the dark Phoenix  her name fits her perfectly she happy then its like an anger i wish not to go through ever the fuck again) and we wouldn't have to  (would u do any of them again ) you mean we don't forget you played a part to my mans (you was about to say nigga n idk if they fix their flaws ) what was Amy and Romona flaws (you know Romona acted like a mom ) i did hate that (and Amy one don't want us )true (and she never have time ) yea its sad if you could all of them together could be the best (or the worst thing ever) and now we would try to do the iteralrun time of them all go

Felisha :dec 2008to may 2009
peach: nov09 to may 10
ember:june 10 to jan 11
Romona:mar11 to aug 11
Amy: jan12 to jun 12
Kendall: apr13 to may 13

again again

i know somebody gonna hear me my mp3 player is broken so i have to use my phone (dont get in to it they probably wont get it )but its to me  but ....(shhhh just dont go in to ) what about toda...(dont) so its nothing

i think music is now overrated

ash said he would stop if it feels like a job and it does im too hard nothing is complex enough but when it is i have to dumb it down i know i have to find a middle ground and it can be acchived but im tired of this change shit because nooone feels me but whatever im talking to a girl she a go getter like really but idont think we gonna mesh im too much of a bum idk whatever idc im in idle while not nemore but im not active i got high bymyself before and felt so good (yea we was chilling hard as shit making jokes and shit we was tripping )then we do we feel down (maybe because we still living) meaning ? ( remeber when we said we would commit suicide on the earthstrong)yea (well we didnt we still living we was only living for that day and since the world is still spinning we feel incomplete and  unfiinished your want to fo home and get the 99 bananas? yes (trust they gonna read all this when we gone nnoone cares now for a reason )

5 since 21

i got wasted on my bday n been buzzed or fucked up ever since n idc i dont see ne reason to be sober i have looked back at my love life and let me say no im not happy  felisha amy ember romona peach  and dark phoenix(finnally the whole league ) ive hurted them and been hurt by them shit ive been hurt the un official exes (sedearny) btw its 3 ppl also with that in mind i no longer want feelings every time every FUCKING TIME I FALL I LOVE I END UP ALONE (sorry folks hes kinda mad right now ) LIKE IM NOT PERFECT BUT GOD DAMN IM GOOD ENOUGH SHIT WITH ALL THE BULL SHIT I PUT UP WITH THESE FEMALE AND THEIR PERIODS AND MOOD SWINGS (look whos talking ) AND ALL THEIR FEMALES PROBLEMS AND THEN THEIR PERSONAL PROBLEM JUST BULL SHIT  SO I WOULD SAY IM DONE WITH LOVE BUT (probably cant commit to it) IMMA GEMINI AND A LOVING  PERSON SO I KNOW I CANT (told you) BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS ................BLACK AND MILD AND 4 LOKOS (lol) IM DEAD ASS JUST WAIT TO DIE NO LONGER A REASON TO GO BUT I WONT BE DIRECTLY INVOLVED IN MY OWN DEATH (so you gonna live life to the fullest aka reckless until death .........)YEAH( fuck yes lets get turned up tonight ) OF COURSE LIVE LONG AND PROSPER  TO ALLWHOS NOT ME  "everybody somebodys everything nobody's nothing " yea right

5 more till 21

rihanna is my wifey again :) she agree and now it s me and robyn my princess from Barbados wait...... nvm its over again damn ri ri stop playing with my emotions i want you but anyway  i have a 3rd unoffical  (SE)(DEAR) (NY) SEDEARNY omg i have insiders with myself but i will tell some people but if u no me u can already get it but it could be me just thinking to far out the box to be comprehended by most people sad to say this but it has to be said but anyway im going home on Wednesday kinda excited imma see my sister off on prom n shit you cant nice to some people (sorry that was random thought from me) ne way imma end it here my vibes been killed

21 in 9 days

nothing can compared to the anticipation i feel for this day 21 years old i got my shades so i can see in a darker tint have i been depressed in small doses i need one more to complete my league of evil exes i wonder whos gonna fill that 7th spot will she be the last one ???? or will she just add to the exes???? i missed sooo many proms send offs(is that what they called) like i was suppose to see amys (im sorry again) honey bees(sorrrryyyy ) and my friend patra is having a baby girl but i missed hers too but she didnt tell me im in Delaware now i was doing yard work (its hot as hell up here ) but i missed xo listening party i love how when i leave everyone wanna be doing something but when i come back its gonna be all quiet and boring i hate people soo much i wanna smoke and drink now like so bad i want that feeling of euphoria
euphoria euphoria

EUPHORIA

nothing is wrong

But being wrong is nothing but human see the thing nobody wants to open up due to the risk of being judged and that's the worst feeling to be put under the spotlight. And why wouldn't it be (so are trying to tell us that u have all these profound thoughts but yet no song you irk my motherfucking soul fatboy) ok neway as I was saying (noone wants to hear you shit maybe only like one person u can tell something to and she an ex )who icy amy(if that's what u wana call her)but what thhat gotta do with anything (how long have u knew her)well ill say for about a year(let's go down the list real quick it was the virgo and the capicorn then ember aquitik then romana next amy and lastly trinity) yes and (and how long was that)I guess since 11th grade so I guess 4 years(6 gfs in 4 yrs and you wonder why you not stable u wanna listen to danny brown then micky facts then ch then joebudden then absoul then )so what are u saying (you are not fucking stable u need to sit the fuck down and just stick to one you wanna listen to us then yourself like wtf you probably won't live in the ghost zone nemore )ok you went you to far.........retry y/n

my heart stops

N my head continue I feel like a vegetable I feel empty alone scared mistreate d n unwanted because of this I believe I am I want a hug n some one to hold me n say it all right that false confirmation will lift my spirts if not only for a lil bit I feel dirty there is a new dajnny phantom I have to accept that I wish I could have still been dannybut I can't be I see nothing good yet even tho not to long ago I was on cloud 9 but I (post incomplete )retry y/n

trinity v ember aquatic

One wants to save me while I want to save another a sad lil cycle but that's my life love is an word that can be used as a verb and a noun you can love someone and have love for someone and yet with the same words this is a big difference I see nothing ann I of all people should know that its a hard thing to balance out and I'm learning how to the only thing the twin and voices are saying is (man up n move on you have a trinity so livewith that) but ifi {post incomplete} {retry? y/n}

thisis the result of being socialable

You care about other people feelings rather u like it or not s back to caring but destroying myself instead of just destroying others feeelings it hurts less I was about to change it but no let the self destruction continue

words that so called descibed me

wallflower,hipster,bohemian,hippy,freethinker,beatnik,new age thinker,weirdo,differenter all these labels i take it as way to live but i forgot some:writer,rapper,artist,smoker,mc,lover,pothead,knowledge seeker and etc so think about something before u say something something short for now listening to slaughterhouse