a new type of darkness

As it seems when im around im thinking about my life when i am alone however its deep reflection and a lil time alone has came to the conclusion that i  do not deserve life heres why : as social as i am i only one thing and thats a clown im there to entertain to  make people life not to be respected. I can honestly say maybe (a big ass maybe ) music aside my friends dont respect me. you know what people say when i ask them why they liked me "your smart and funny" oh thats nice a kevin hart Einstein and im sure kevin gets respect in less then half a decade he rose from a relative noone (we knew about him for a while now {adjust hipster glasses}) to a superstar that just the mention of his name people think of eddie murphy and richard pryor. what hustle i have not one and i know "i gotta go out there and get one . noone gonna do it for you . things dont just fall in your lap " understandable but even with that people laugh at kevin hart because he tries to be funny he wants to be funny hell he need to be funny but me its accident im a jester a fool. where did this come from welll i have noticed it at a friend's game night. im pretty sure noone said " man that guy funny because hes funny " im pretty sure its " thats guy is funny but im pretty sure i dont want to be with him " see heres the thing to all the girls who think being with for a few hours are unsuffable imagine 24/7 thats what i gottta what i gotta handle n i know if i get on my own nerves sometimes then i know i get on people  nerves. but its something i gotta handle alone right ........right ? (always got me ) i know man but sometimes its not enough i think alil  deep and notice people want me there for them  but noone for me (then when "something happens"  its " omg when you didnt call me why didnt you tell me " i did you just didnt listen ) they dont get that though they dont under stand the consequence of they negligence