misantropic nihilism

because the general dislike or mistrust for humans and the ideal of believing that life have no meaning. knowing this its not hard to see why i said what i said about killing people. however doesnt make them right . and the whole thing was more of an "humans have been currupted by powerful people in charged who has been currpted by power and have lost their general basic  human emotion ie love compassion sympathy so they didnt deserve their lives" type thing . not right neither but at least itsnot blind rage  n i know i am flawed but this is why im doing it.like the angel who destoryed solem an gommor(didnt spell that right) it needed to be done  now once again not right but its just thoughts. and thats the thing they are just thoughts bot good thoughts but thoughts none the less nothing is solid or have been put in motion  or even been plan to put in motion or even planed to plan to put them in motion just thoughts and ideas.crazy thing is while looking at my problems i see im a fucking baby i want assist from a female to love me and hold me and tell me it will be ok (the world /my issues) but  noone would do that everyone hav etheir one life my first response was not to tell people because its nothing they can do about it but i get confortable with people and beceome a n open book ne way my body is tired but my mind wont let me go to sleep i guess im not sleeping tonight well today

dream crashers

If u read my blog you would know I like dreams I should study it ember was in my dream  idk y I moved on she have too so y in mu dreams I visited her but my dreams have been vivid when I do sleep I have a slight sleep disorder staying up until 6 n them some but I have been feeling unusually lonely n have no idea why imean xavin do talk to me everyday then whata the problem maybe it the friend leaving thing that I'm still not over not able to record or smoke or vent have had me think about ( maybe I did already) and drinking not gonna write a lot n btw in speaking of ember I wa s thinking bout delaware a lot maybe its the freedom I had there the smoking drinking rapping fornicateing it was a unhealthy paradise maybe I need one here I need something because cutting is no longer work( or I just need to cut harder )

my dreams

y the hell was ember in my dreams we had closure and now she is going to school kinda crazy its alot of bs xavin is getting a job n school (good for her) juan already got a job (good ) cooly is in school swace n xo go job corps( good for them) and me ? im waiting for a job to call me back nothing falls in place like it will i bet the girl gonna say she got fired so she cant help me or the job is now filled or some other biull shit (see what happens when you place your faith in mare humans they dont care )don t say that some do just not all (keep telling yourself that when everyone living their life and you are homeless no handouts for u ) so what do u think i should  do (say fuck them all now ) i cant now (just do it soon before its too late because it bad enough u dependent on these funky ass humans )

did i move too fast ???

[imean xavin was part of a group called 'the runaways' should that be a sign i might be overthinking this but it] i understand thats how we cope we think alot even when its not no reason to [yea but is that alil suspicious] what [the fact is she getting upset all of a sudden could that be a new way to break up to less the blow for the breakup-er ] i get it but elaborate [ok if i get mad at you and blame you for stuff sooner or later my feelings for you will decrease and when they get low enough i break up with u with no remorse] like catching a pokemon [EXACTLY like catching a fucking  pokemon] but you dont believe that do u [hopefully not but that's the flaw with overthinking you really cant control whats being thought about or the thoughts itself] shes not that malicious [ok ,if you say so im just saying just a thought]

so wait wait im dating the xavin version of my L.O.E.E

basically now if you dont know who xavin is read more comics but to spear you the time xavin is a skrull.whats a skrull? a skrull is an alien race that comes from the fantastic four universe now the most famous one is kl'rt n he is a super skrull. Now a super skrull is a product of biological engineering now what they do that makes them speical is have all the powers of the fantasic 4. Now back to the point xavin is a super skrull the reason why i said this is because thats is how my gf is. The intelligence of romona , the conversation skills of amy , silliness of ember and the need of jean grey. Now do this means shes perfect not necessarily you see i mention this before[in j3tt love life right] right. I said what would happen if they all combine it could be the best or the worst thing that happen. I dont really know since 1 we still in the realtionship  2 we started not that long ago so because of that its hard to determine the outcome but heres what i will say if she fails my list will be complete and i can finally release it but if she some how take all the crap i throw at her it will be real weird for the league
 or
 would it ?????????????
idk
still waiting on death tho [idont even know why nemore ]